In the trenches of healing

The last couple of month have been some of the most potent months of alchemization. But what I’m coming to realize is the long road of suffering that came just before my breakthrough. I lived a life of action and reaction, triggers and pain so intense that I was unable to see straight.

Until one day, the clouds parted and it all made sense. (I will elaborate on this at a later time).

I saw my pain and I loved myself for it. This gave me perspective on humanity’s pain and I loved humanity for it.

Compassion was born. Self-love took over and turned into love, dropping the self.

I mention this because my heavenly experience of dissolved ego has been short-lived. A darker shadow has come to visit and just like that, I’m teleported back to the trenches.

So this is what they mean when they say shadow work?

The meme’s make sense now.

I thought I had it all figured out. The movie of my life played in my minds eye and bliss was on the horizon. I have compassion and love on my side, I can’t lose.

Anxiety came knocking though, and when I answered the door to my deep shadow fears, love and compassion left the chat.

It has become easy to love my other shadows but this one? I object. I don’t know why, but I do.

I feel an inner sense of push and pull.

A game of tug of war as my ego grapples with my heart.

And as they fight, I feel my awareness slipping away.

I tumble down a familiar vortex.

Shame enters the chat.

Hello my old friend.

Back to the trenches we go.